And you don't even go to parties. Honestly, I've never been to a house party. My neighbor invited me and my mom to her 3oth birthday party (which is going down as I type). I've never spoken to her before. I was washing my car the other day and she came up and invited me to her party. I don't remember if I told her I would come, but I told her I'd let my mom know and stuff. Well, tonight I was trying to remember her name to write on the front of the card, so I can at least take her a card for not going. I kept walking toward the door like I was gonna take it, and my mom was like "They're having a party over there..." I kept saying I know, and she was encouraging me to go, but I said "I don't know nobody over there..." Well, I slicked my hair back, put some makeup on like I was gonna go and stay, and as soon as I got to the yard, I knew I wasn't gonna stay. I guess parties are not my cup of tea. I am such a square!!!! I went to the door, hoping I could see her and just hand her the card. Of course I couldn't see her in the dark. So I walked through the house, and I was tapping people asking for her and I guess that was weird to people. I went out on the back patio and didn't see her. Saw her husband sitting with like 10 other people, and went up to him (Just like a scared child lost in Wal-Mart) and he was super nice. He found her for me, and asked "You not gon' stay and dance!!??" I told them I was meeting friends...but I was scared to stay. I guess I didn't wanna be weird and be the only one there by themselves. How am I 22 years old, and shy as hell!!!???? This party is CRUNK now too...they have a DJ and everything. When I came back home (2mins later) my mom was like "why didn't you stay...you could've got you a drink and talked to the DJ or something! That's how you meet people!" Is that how you meet people? Thats strange though...going somewhere where you don't know ANYBODY. Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. Like Cheers. I should have went back, but would I have enjoyed myself? Gosh, I'm so square! But I wanna be a fucking DJ!!!!!!! That is weird. That's like someone wanting to be a dentist, but they are afraid to smile. Weird shit. It's frustrating, I always get dressed up and threaten to go and find something grown to do, but when I get there, it's nothing that I'm used to. And I am bored as hell now. Sitting here trying to figure out the song that's playing just from the beat vibrations (I'm good at that shit too!!!). Maybe I just needed someone else to go with me, like a security blanket. They're playing "Bartender" now...my drink and my two-step just slipped through my fingers....
"Why must I feel like that..."-George Clinton
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