re-tro-grade

Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.-I knew I was on to something with this one.

This is the word that has described my position for the past 2 weeks or so. Jay-Z starts off "I Know" by saying "She wants that old thing back..uh/augh...." But the definition of retrograde hits it that much harder.

Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition. You ever sit back and think, "damn I wonder what 'so and so' is doing...." or "damn, I should do 'such and such' like I used to..." I been doing that lately. The ex has been on the mind in an unusual fashion lately. Random tendencies to think of him in an earlier condition. To think, it's been nearly 1 year (October 29th or so) since we parted hearts. I've been good this year. Some instances of crazy, but after much debate and turmoil, I severed ties with that chapter of my life. However, no matter how chill I am right now, he's in the back of the front of my mind. Not necessarily an itch to call or text, but he's there. A lot of things I used to do (not just him) have me thinking about trying them again or something. Faced with the choice to Fall back or Spring forward are as awkward as this weather we're having in Cali. I feel older, yet I still am the same Evelyn. I'm making BIG MAJOR MOVES and yet, I still am the same on the outside. I'm trying to bring my inner self out. I'm trying to reflect myself to the world: I want you to look at me and see what I see inside.

Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.....Thinking about the ex....you ever wonder if when you're thinking about someone, are they thinking about you too? Is synergy real in that realm? I'll be thinking, then I stop myself for some reason and say "He ain't even THINKING about you, so why waste your time?" But is that true? How do I know? It used to be, if I was thinking about him, he'd call. And vice-versa. Random story: Once, a couple weeks after we split, he was saying something to the effect of "...I still love you" and I was like "Wow, I woke up singing that song (shout out to 702) this morning." Now, I know what you're thinking "He was just saying that..." and more than likely, you're probably right. However, I thought it was pretty fantastic at the time.

Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition....For me to just randomly think of him at this stage (on the brink of graduation, making the decision to apply to a masters degree program...becoming a DJ...) usually doesn't serve me well. Each time I get on and start making moves in the positive, thoughts of him and I pop up, and throw me off track. And then he really pops up, and EVERYTHING gets all fucked up and off balance. And it always happens around the middle of each month (also realized a full moon occurs around this time, and ya'll know what they say about the full moon and how it affects humans).

Retrograde. Whats the antonym for that?